Ethics in Astrology, Book Two

Present.

Recently, I was going through old astrology notes when I (re)discovered something scribbled in the very back cover of my astrology notebook.

Get this, taken directly from my audio recording with Astrologer Number One:

“Yods denote a relationship you’re not supposed to be in. If you have a yod, you asked the universe before you were born not to let you get stuck in that relationship. ‘Stop me if I go here, don’t let it happen.’” When the whole situation was WAY more important, and what we’re ALL supposed to learn from it, was WAY more complicated, than that.

If I hadn’t been so distressed by what I heard, if I hadn’t been so sure this couldn’t have been correct, I would never have learned what I needed to from this, and might very well have sought out another codependent and made the same mistakes, blindly not knowing why this was all happening to me and why I was so unlucky.

O

M

F

G.

I ask the reader to kindly google “Yods in Astrology” and see, no matter what astrologer they’re reading, if you can find A-N-Y notes that read even remotely like that. Thank God, when I heard all that, I knew it couldn’t be true and I kept on looking for the truth. (You can see my own research on yods and on my situation in particular in prior blogs.)

I cannot believe this person told me that. Good grief. Either she’s poorly trained by an absolute idiot, or she feels morally entitled to put any spin she wants on what she’s reading, based on her personal feelings toward the situation involved.

Finding this, it’s more clear to me than ever that this person had her own personal bias—due to her own personal history—and that’s clear from her comments on her own Facebook page. Add that to the gobbledygook she spewed at me about the sixties and such that had NO bearing on my own situation at all and wasn’t the least bit helpful, and I truly have a bone to pick with this person.

I hate to use the word “quack,” but she sure did honk like a duck. And there’s some duck down drifting down on my head.

Clearly this person has her devotees who love her. I truly wonder why at this point.

All I can tell you is, if you are hiring an astrologer, explain your situation up front, and then make like a jury selection lawyer and ask them point blank if they have any negative experience that might bias them in the reading of your chart. Before they start the reading, so that if the answer is yes, you might be able to cancel and get at least some of your money back. (In my case, that was two hundred smackeroos.) You don’t want this to happen to you.

Be careful out there, and Don’t Step In The Duck Doo.

How I Used Astrology To Figure Out My Relationship

PAST


Note: Sorry if this post seems redundant. YourTango has a large astrology section, and this post is sort of an "audition piece" for them.

I promised y'all a Rory post--about seeing the outcomes of major decisions as two different timelines in your horoscope transits. That one IS coming...next week.

Three years ago, I found myself unceremoniously dumped.

My heart was shattered, lacerated, ripped into a million pieces. I didn’t think I’d live. Worse, I didn’t want to.

The person in question was married; however, he’d moved out, consulted a divorce lawyer, and told me the marriage was over. From what he told me about the way she was behaving, and had behaved for the past twenty years, I could see why. For the past four months, he’d described an emotionally cold and distant marriage, with a woman who alternately bossed and belittled him. It was clear why he’d taken this long to finally move out: he was darling, but he was an adult child of an alcoholic, and I knew everything that meant. (See my article on YourTango, 13 Signs You’re An Adult Child Of An Alcoholic, for more information.)

It was one of those situations where you just know you’re going to be happy together, just like when I got together with my late husband. And then … and then …

*POOF!* He was gone.

Most of us are familiar with those horrible feelings of desperation, those times we’d do anything, and I mean anything, to get our old love back. This is when the desperate turn to astrology.

I didn’t know a thing about astrology. I had surfed the free parts of astro.com, and I had even bought some of their Liz Greene yearly transit reports on occasion. But I had no idea what those little symbols scribbled in the margins meant, or how on earth Saturn could “trine” Jupiter, much less how Pluto could ever “trine” itself! And I’d never bought more than one at a time, because they aren’t exactly cheap, and my money had always been tight.

But now, in the midst of this huge personal crisis, I was at least doing better at work. With that came the ability to buy more than one yearly transit report at a time, and for multiple people. I started snooping. Everything I knew about me, him, her, and their marriage told me it wouldn’t last. He’d have to come back to me; I just knew it. 

Thus began the education of this budding astrologer, courtesy of astro.com.

For those who are as bewildered now as I was then, “transits” refer to where the planets in the heavens are now, in relation to where they were at the moment of your birth. Every time a planet makes an exact angle with the position it or another planet occupied at the moment of your birth, it reflects a mood, a feeling, a quality of time in your life. A crack professional astrologer who reads literally thousands of charts a year notices repeating themes, and will be able to tell you, “Typically when I see this aspect come up in someone’s transits, these kinds of events are what’s been happening in these people’s lives.” When you’re consulting a professional astrologer, or you’re buying a computerized transit report, this is what you’re paying for.

I bought transit reports for myself, him, and his wife for the next few years, buying dates three years apart to save money, as I’d noted that many of the transits spanned over one year and they overlapped one another. I began to read. The first thing I noticed was that everything that appeared in one chart reflected in the other two. That gave me the creeps. Then, as I read on … it happened! Reflected in all three charts was his leaving her and returning to me. In about three years!

Overjoyed, I bought one more set for three years from the last date I’d read. I expected to see that he’d left her for good, and we were happy ever after. 

Um … not so.

Instead, I saw myself left again. Even though the marriage was still rotten, and her behavior had improved not at all, there he was, back home again. She looked supremely happy, and the two of us were miserable. If I thought my heart was broken now, apparently it was nothing compared to what I’d experience then.

What … the … hell?

Of course, after that I had to keep on reading. He was still unhappy at home! Surely, surely he’d be back! And there, two years on, he’d finally had enough, and he was. Our transits reflected a joyous reunion, and hers, frankly, didn’t know what had hit her, despite decades of questionable behavior.

Yey! I mean, normally I feel sorry for the wife, but in this case … well …. 

This had to mean we’d live happily ever after, right? I just wanted that wonderful confirmation, and so I bought one more set, three years farther ahead. And received one nasty surprise.

We weren’t happy. We were having significant problems. Only I was largely unaware of them, because … what?

Here’s where astrology has given me its greatest gift. I was raised by a parent with borderline personality disorder. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a serious mental illness that wreaks havoc not only on the sufferer, but on any minor children being raised in the home. Because my relationship with my mother was so difficult, I had spent a good portion of my twenties and thirties reading self-help books, relationship books, and adult-child-of books, and because of this, I know a great deal about codependency. Enough to recognize it when I see it described in a horoscope transit.

Astrologers are a poetic lot. Anxious not to antagonize the client, they excel at presenting clinical signs with sympathy and from the client’s point of view. Especially if they’re Liz Greene and their previous career was as a counseling therapist. 

I was reading phrases in his report such as: “If you have allowed your need for closeness with others to obstruct your need to be a separate individual, you may be challenged to assert your own values and ideals with greater honesty and openness. External conflicts and relationship issues may highlight the fact that you need to achieve a new and more creative balance between these two sides of yourself.” “Try not to turn your back on opportunities just because you don't want to upset others or are afraid of seeming selfish in their eyes.” “But somehow what you want may not be communicated properly to those who could help or support you; and you may feel very angry, frustrated, aggrieved or victimised.  You are not wrong in pushing for change and better opportunities.  You may also need to define yourself as an individual more directly within your personal relationships, and this could involve friction with family members.  But you may first have to consider the ways in which you are asking for what you want, and recognise that you yourself have created or accepted the role you are now playing, and others have assumed this is who you are.”

Huh? I thought. This is codependency! What the hell? Hasn’t this person been in therapy for years already? How could he leave her to be with me, and still be codependent?

This utterly confused me. I pondered it on and off for several days, and as I considered it, one solid fact emerged.

Codependent when we met; codependent years later when we finally get together. He’s with me, he’s with her, he’s with her, he’s with me, the family is all upset, the adult children are involved … years and years of drama, this is! 

But during all those years of drama, what was missing? This much-adored man of mine applying himself to his core problems of codependency and low self-worth, studying and healing and getting well—that was what! Look at all the progress he could have made over those five years! But he didn’t. What was he doing instead?

Having an affair with me.

Then I started to recall phrases from my transit reports, about being too needy and anxious, about the need to stay out of power and control. I hadn’t known what to make of those. Me, domineering and overcontrolling? Why, that was his wife, not me!

Apparently not.

What I finally understood, after months of poring over these transit reports, was that, even though I recognized him as codependent from the beginning—I was the one who insisted he start therapy—if I elected to pursue an affair with this man, I would be the person keeping him from what he most desperately needed to do:

Apply himself in therapy to his own problems—not everyone else’s—study healthy relationships, what went wrong in his family of origin, and heal and work and get well.

And that’s a hell of a way to treat someone you say you love.

It was about that time I figured I had better start studying astrology, and learn how to read this stuff for myself, instead of relying on a computer to do it for me, or hiring an expensive professional I know nothing about. Since then, I’ve become a good enough astrologer to cast all our relationship and natal charts, and I can pick out the aspects in ours that reflect the issues I’ve just described here.

This is only the beginning of my story. I plan to post more about it here, from time to time. I’ve predicted events in all three of our lives that actually happened. Last October, there were a number of signs that I would indeed hear from this man after three years apart. It happened. (Only this time, I was ready.)

Most important, I’ve learned so much about myself. It turned out that my charts and transits were pointing out aspects of my unhealed childhood that I never would have suspected still needed my attention, and that’s proven to be an invaluable resource to direct me in my own therapy.

I used to doubt astrology, but after this experience, I see what an important and useful tool it can be. If you’re searching for answers in your own relationship, it’s certainly worth a look.

Maturing the Baby in All of Us

PRESENT

I learn so much from problems in my writer’s groups.

In my town lives a moderately successful author I’ll call Jane. She’s written nonfiction, horror, and erotic paranormal romance, and she’s been published by one mid-size and several tiny publishers. Her work has been nominated for several awards and won once.  I’ve known Jane for twenty years, and her work has improved by leaps and bounds in the time I’ve known her.

Unfortunately, Jane is so hideously inappropriate in a social setting, it’s terrifying.

Jane can be a nice person. She has a lot of enthusiasm for the craft of writing, and she knows more about self-promotion than I will ever be able to learn or absorb. It’s possible to have a great time with Jane, and it’s possible to have a terrific critique meeting with Jane at the table.

Notice I said, possible. Not, probable.

Jane needs to be the center of attention at all times. She simply hasn’t absorbed social norms like when to stop talking, or when to let another person guide the conversation. Jane needs to be right about everything. She has started two wars over the use of the word was that became heated and went on for half an hour. When others are talking, Jane will fidget and sigh until they are done and she can cut in and monopolize the conversation (again).

Jane can be very sensitive. Everything hurts her feelings, yet these were the comments I received as nice people I miss left my writer’s group one by one:

_{"I'm fighting cancer, and I just can't handle the stress of being around her anymore, so I'm not coming back." "If she tells me one more time that SHE’S published, I’m going to hit her." "She monopolizes the table." "She doesn't know when to shut up." "All she does is brag, and I'm sick of  listening to it." "Everybody can tell Jane has a confidence problem and needs some help, except Jane." "She makes me so angry." "I'm sick of her."}

This week she submitted a story that was an obvious, blatant knockoff of Jurassic Park, saying she was going to submit it for a special issue of a magazine. The three of us left were bewildered, unable to believe that a magazine would accept a story that was such a blatant rewrite of a bestselling novel and movie, and we said so. Jane showed us the guidelines for the issue, and, believe it or not, that was indeed what they had asked for. 

Then she got all hurt over it, that we would assume she was that stupid. An email war resulted, and we no longer have to tolerate Jane at the group.

The question is, why did I tolerate her for so long?

I have these thoughts about that:

1.)    I don’t know how to be assertive, stand up to other people, enforce rules, and shut other people up when they are acting like Neanderthals. (As such, I probably am not the best person to be running a writer’s group. I’m only running this one because someone else stepped down and it was going to go down the tubes if someone didn’t step in and save it.)

2.)    This person is just like my mother. And I’m in some way addicted to her approval and to helping her feel better and fit in.

My mother used to behave exactly the same way. And I knew why. My mother had abusive parents, and she just never got over it. I was perhaps the closest person to my mother, and I saw how badly she felt about herself and how much she suffered.

I was so moved by her pain, I was just fused with it. And a tiny child has no other way to get her needs met except to try to fix the parent.

I tolerated my mother’s behavior forever, wishing, always wishing, that she could find some peace, see that she didn’t have to struggle so much for other people’s attention, validation, and approval, and begin to feel and behave like normal people. And I was doing the same thing with Jane. My mother has never changed. She's never gotten better. 

Neither has Jane.

And I was doing the same thing with Chi.

It just upsets my little child’s mind so much that we live in a world where many, many people are so painfully damaged and so limited that that they just cannot, will not, introspect, see the unnecessary pain they are living in and causing to others, and deal with themselves and get well. 

It’s clear that people like Jane aren’t at all happy, and they spread that unhappiness to others everywhere they go. And that is the truth. In our town, just about everyone who’s been in the writing community for a while has their own personal Jane story, and each one is worse than the next.

Jane really is damaged. Jane really is limited. She’s been this way the entire twenty years I’ve known her. I’ve tried to confront her about this twice, and the news just slid off of her like water off of a duck’s back. Instead of seriously entertaining anything I had to say about how she affected others in the group, she found something to hit back at me with. Just like she always does. Just like my mother always did.

People like this aren’t going to change. They just don’t have the stuff. 

One interpretation of Chiron in the eighth house, which I unfortunately have, is that you keep on picking up wounded birds, wounded birds. And the birds don’t ever get well, and they end up wounding you. And that’s certainly what I’ve done. My stupid mother… the guy before Simon … Simon. (Only Simon fooled me. He wasn’t damaged and limited, just widowed and grieving. I kept waiting for him to get better and decide I was too young, too fat, and not smart enough, and leave me, but he didn’t.)

This occasions a very sobering thought for me.

Chi’s chart tells me that he does have the stuff. He has a choice about what he's going to do and how he's going to live the rest of his life. He’s got a one in three chance of becoming self aware around these childhood issues of his, and buckling down and doing the work. 

But … what if the truth is really going to be that other sixty percent?

What if Chi really is this damaged, this limited, this sick? What if he’s as bad as Jane is? 

What if he just decides to stay asleep, as sick and as stubborn as my mother, forever looking for others’ validation and asking/demanding them to “make” him feel better?

That’s what my mother does. That’s what Jane does. 

That’s what I’ve done (“I can’t survive without RELATIONSHIPS with other people!!”)  

And, so far, that’s what Chi does. 

We’re all still five-year-olds, looking to other people and depending on their behavior in order to feel okay, and "doing stuff" to try to get the response out of other people that we believe we need.  Including some pretty antisocial behavior.

Instead of understanding that we’re adults, we don’t need other people, we’re supposed to take care of ourselves, and that it’s our job to be able to feel okay on our own, regardless of how other people do or do not treat us.

What if Chi, like my mother, like Jane, is just not capable of the introspection and the WORK needed to get over the dastardly childhood wounding and get the fuck well??

Because that’s all I have been doing the past three years. Introspection, looking hard at childhood and how I was wounded, looking at the erroneous beliefs about myself and about the world that I formed because of what happened when I was little, how they are causing me to pick sick people who refuse to get better, and how I need to fix that.

THAT’S what all people need to be doing if they’re going to fix their relationships and their lives and find happiness.

But very, very few people do.

It’s just too hard for them. Too difficult. Too, too scary.

No, far better to hit someone else below the belt instead. Far better to numb out in a book or TV or excessive cleaning, or self-denigration. Far better to wrap oneself around someone else’s problems--especially a child's--instead, ignore your own, and then tell yourself you had no other choice. 

I did this right up until yesterday with Jane, all because I still look at myself as a child. A child who needs other people around or she can’t survive, a child who will do anything to cling to sick people who won’t do their own internal work. A child still trying to "do it for” them, so I don’t have to be alone.

Sick people who won’t do their own internal work: That’s been Chi up to now. He can talk a good game, and he sits in group therapy every week, but if it’s a choice between involving himself in fixing his own childhood issues or running off to involve himself in his kid’s or other relatives’ problems, what does he choose to do?

Is this going to be Chi forever? If it is, the only course of action is to run for my life.

What Astrology has to Say About All This

Looks like we might be about to find out. I didn’t hear from Chi this month … but that transit was only the beginning salvo of a veritable firestorm of affair transits that are starting now and just piling and piling on over the rest of the spring and summer. Two months from now looks like a hot point.

According to my chart, I’m supposed to have learned my lesson by now. Uranus moving off Saturn: I was supposed to have changed my mind about something very important. I had this sense for three years of rushing and rushing to discover all I could about this by a certain date. THAT was the date. 

I think I made my deadline.

Of interest:

Valid during many months: This rather subtle aspect indicates a time in which you will be more courageous and determined to stand up for those things which you feel are vitally important. If you have had a hard time turning your dreams into reality you should now be able to find concrete ways of expressing yourself which more closely reflect your true nature.You will probably come to recognize more clearly those areas in your life which are primarily concerned with fulfilling the expectations of others. 

This is a very good time to consider carefully whether the obligations you have taken on are truly your responsibility. If you have been carrying other people's burdens - possibly in the hope of gaining their affection - you could come to the painful realization that you have been deluding yourself, and that others have only taken advantage of your willingness to help. It is not too late to change such behavior. This will help you to stop wasting your energy in such a futile way, enabling you to devote more of your time to developing your own talents.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Chiron sextile MC,  ,
activity period end of May 2017 until end of February 2019

Isn’t that what I’ve done my whole entire life, starting with my sick BPD mother??

Valid during several months: On the negative side, this can be a time of furious conflict with others. Recent actions by you or by other people may have created energies that lead to anger, rage and general disagreement between you and others. If you have not been careful to enlist people to your side in any work that required your individual initiative and if you have alienated them thereby, you may find now that the forces of opposition have become too great to control.

The other side of this transit is quite different and much more positive. It can mean a time when some activity you started in the past is brought to a triumphal climax. However, you had to face a challenge that tested the validity of what you were doing. If you survived that challenge successfully, you will now enjoy the fruition of that effort.

Transit selected for today (by user):
Mars opposition Sun,  ,
activity period from 20 May 2018 until end of September 2018

Wonder what that activity I started in the past might be? Healing from childhood? Ending this practice of taking in wounded birds and trying to heal my mother, perhaps?

If he shows up on schedule, that would be the test of whether I’ve accomplished that or not. Do I just NEEEED that beautiful dream of being with someone supportive forever-and-ever-like-mommy-and-daddy so badly, I believe it when he shows up and holds it out again?

Or do I recognize someone who HASN’T DONE HIS WORK, and just say no, walk away, and INSIST THAT HE DO HIS WORK?

Interestingly enough, our Davison states that if I’ve accomplished my work, that’s the only way our relationship doesn't fall prey to the same issues stalking Chi's with Rory right now. And I can see a split in my transits right now: Those that talk about good foresight, planning, and ethical standards, and those that talk about a troubled relationship that starts now and breaks up horribly (again) in two years.

Mmm, okay, it’s just a horoscope, but these same events and topics are reflected in all three of our charts, and transits, for the next six years.

I’ve studied these for so long, I’m beginning to see two different timelines in each one, two chains of cause and effect. 

I always wondered how horoscopes allowed for choices in human behavior, and if they did, then the branching timelines ought to be reflected: What if we choose A here? What if we choose B here? Then what?

And it turns out, they're there.

We just don’t see it, because astrologers typically look at only two or three years of transits at a time!

There might really be something to this idea of a doing whole life progression, after all.

More on that later. I’m going to use Rory as an example, since I can see how all her transits from 2014 to now have worked out.

***Next—Rory’s timelines, and how they illustrate the effects of her choices.

 

Of Interest...An Astrology Post

Saturn square Neptune.

Yes, we have a Saturn square Neptune in our Davison. And a lot in that article applies. Although it is a little woo-woo with all the "past life" stuff.

So let's forget about that stuff--not everyone believes in reincarnation, after all--although, our "past life" isn't always about reincarnation. Sometimes it's just, our past life. As in, our childhoods, how our parents treated us...oh, maybe a forty year marriage we picked out right after our parents were finished treating us that way, and we were still smarting from the wounds, perhaps? 

What resonates with me about this article that doesn't involve reincarnation:

1.) Yep. The Saturn is, as predicted, very close to my Venus, and the Neptune is, as predicted, very close to Chi's Mars.

2.) "The very essence of the Saturn-Neptune connection is one that suggests that the two people have come together to heal and evolve as individuals." I can sure see that about this relationship. What did his DUMPING me force me to notice and to heal? MY OWN CODEPENDENCY. What does he need to notice and heal in order to stop feeling worthless and actually create a relationship that offers what relationship needs to offer to and for most people? HIS OWN CODEPENDENCY.

3.) "If a person finds this passionate love in the current life but runs from it, he or she is running from their own personal evolution." Yep. For those few months in the early days of 2015, Chi looked and sounded so much better. Instead of hearing things like, "I have long thought that I was nothing that any woman would ever want," I was hearing things like, "You know what? I do count. I don't deserve to be treated the way Rory treats me. This really isn't a normal marriage. I do deserve better. And I deserve to be able to have dreams and pursue them without other people angry because I'm not doing everything they want instead."

What followed after that? Complete and total relapse. Nascent self worth gave way to, "Rory's angry at me and she says this is all my fault, so it is all my fault." When anyone could look at this person's behavior within her marriage and know quite well this individual had a lot to answer for. And then he went right back to looking at other people and giving them absolutely everything they wanted again, whether it felt at all good to him or not. Pretending for everyone else that things were fine, when what I heard about the truth in that house over the past three years made my heart hurt. 

Codependent, codependent, codependent, codependent.


4.) "The Saturn-Neptune connection will not resolve itself on its own, both souls must be willing to work hard to heal together." 

NO BULLSHIT, and may I please point out that word, BOTH. One person cannot do all the work. (That's what Chi is trying to do now, fix his marriage with only him doing all the work, and Rory not really interested or trying. Doesn't work, now, does it? Neither the fuck would this.)

5.) "To confront the 'danger' takes a very evolved soul and often I see one soul who is ready to deal with the karma and rekindle the relationship yet the other soul is not ready. This can be unbearably painful for the person who is ready to tackle the work. I should mention here that even if the relationship ends quickly, the two lovers will often continue to long for each other no matter who they are with or how far apart they are.  That is how strong and binding this aspect is within a relationship."

Proved last October. 'Nuff said. Bad news for me, I'm afraid. Maybe him, too.

6.) (After more past-life gobbeldygook), "So much depends on other factors in their charts and their current circumstances. If they are married to someone else, should they divorce? If they live far apart, should they relocate? These are tough decisions and it could take years of dedication to one another to make happen. Often, one partner is terrified of the other after the initial blissful honeymoon (Neptune) phase. When the reality (Saturn) of the situation strikes this partner, his or her emotions may become unbearable and he/she must close down emotionally out of self-protection. The partner cannot see immediate results emerging out of the connection because it seems so complicated and he/she isn’t sure that they are willing to walk through the fires in order to reach the heavenly love this aspect promises. The frightened, less evolved partner may even sever the ties." 

Again, 'Nuff said.

7.) "A deep entrenched wound is hindering the growth of this soul." Well, yeah, but I don't think we need to look back to a putative past incarnation. The deep entrenched wound here is eighteen years of being raised by an alcoholic and a codependent whose actions made this person feel utterly without intrinsic value as a human being. As if the only way anyone would be around him at all was if he gave up all his own needs and morphed, chameleon-like, into anything, anything, absolutely anything whatsoever that anyone "close" wanted or needed. The deep, entrenched wound is called, "codependency and low self-esteem," and this person keeps falling asleep and recycling the signs and symptoms over and over and over, instead of applying himself to addressing the symptoms, learning about ACoA issues, healing, and getting well. You only need to look back fifty years here, not five hundred.

8.) "While this soul is hiding and running away from his or her karmic lover, there can be no healing." 

(Because I'm going to kick his butt and insist on appropriate therapy and progress, while Rory is going to demand reinstatement of the symptoms. "You're supposed to do this for me!" And the rest of the family: "We're going to be angry and throw you out if you don't do what we want! Regardless of how she's actually treating you. (Which, incidentally, we could be forgiven for, since we don't know about it. Because you've never ever been honest about it, or displayed it the way it really was.") 

9.) "The scorned lover (the lover who died or was ruined in the past) is once again hurt, grows desolate, and may even give up on living if he or she is not very spiritual. How can something so wonderful, so beautiful and divine come to such an abrupt halt? Why doesn't he or she call? Why the disappearing act?  This wounded soul longs to experience the blissful aspects of the relationship and despite the challenging reality of the situation, this soul feels that the end result is well worth the torturous journey that must be taken to get there." 

Um... has that been me the last three years or what?? 

10.) "...astrology can help lovers understand the push-pull effect of their karmic relationships. It may not end the pain, it may not sweep away the hollow emptiness left when one karmic lover suddenly deserts the other, but it can help transform the bitterness left bobbing in the wake of abandonment into something much more bittersweet, that of spiritual understanding and acceptance."

I guess that's where I'm at now. I understand what happened and why. Really, there's nothing to do but accept it, because like it or not, I have no power in what happens here. The only power I have is to look at what I'm being presented, observe whether it's healthy or not, and decline it if it's not. I will not decide what happens here, and neither will Rory. We will BE TOLD what happens. It's going to be decided for us.

Even Chi may THINK he's letting his adult children, or his other relatives, make the decision, instead of Chi himself. (The classic codependent, "This person is upset, so I have no choice but to do X.") 

In actuality, Chi is the one doing the deciding. It's just HOW he's doing the deciding that's under debate here. Currently, Chi's (codependent) thinking runs like this: "If anyone anywhere in the northern hemisphere is unhappy and linking it to anything I did, I am at fault. If anyone else is unhappy, it means far, far more than the fact that I am also unhappy." (There's the lack of self worth and consequent complete lack of ability to apply any realistic perspective.) "So if someone is upset, that's how I have to make my decisions, and I can't do anything anyone is upset about." Then he blames that person. "I CAN'T do X because my adult child would Y." When the reality is, "I WON'T do X because I'm afraid of what my adult child doing Y might mean."

This, friends, is codependency in action. "Someone somewhere might be upset, and I am held hostage because of that."

It isn't healthy.

But I see this, and I can't change it. Only Chi can change anything about Chi. I have to change me from someone who can't accept that life circumstances are not going to go the way I wanted them to go, into someone who can accept that life circumstances are not going to go the way I wanted them to go.

Whether I accept it or not won't change the outcome. It may even push things toward a much worse outcome, because not accepting Chi's right to think any way he wants to think and decide any way he wants to decide makes me: ADDICTED TO UNHEALTHY POWER AND CONTROL.

Just like Rory is. (And the rest of his family, perhaps?)

And I'm not going to be like that.

11.) "The square more often indicates that there were difficult circumstances in the past that the two individuals failed to handle appropriately and they will once again face a similar situation together." Just what our transits this spring and summer are warning me about. 

12.) "This configuration can appear when both partners need to work toward a goal that will benefit mankind." Unlikely. It did actually happen to Neil Strauss and his wife, Ingrid De La O, though. (I'd love to look at this couple's synastry. Or how about the late singers Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash? What are the chances these couples have a Saturn square Neptune?)

13.) "Working with Synastry can offer amazing insights into Saturn-Neptune relationships and while explaining the difficulties inherent in these relationships can bring pain, especially if you must tell a person that Saturn is stronger and that the relationship may not manifest in the current incarnation, it can also bring about understanding and help the person who is hoping for a reconciliation to learn to let go and move forward.  The bliss that seems to be promised by the Saturn-Neptune connection in a relationship is not guaranteed, indeed, the lessons learned by engaging with a person who connects to you in this manner may be more important in the long run than experiencing the heaven of being in his or her arms."

Yeah. I can really see that now. Because the sad thing is, unless and until we each learn these lessons, neither of us will be capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, ever. The codependent relationship, no matter which boss, child, friend, parent, spouse, or lover we are having it with, is never, ever healthy, therefore it has NO chance of ever being happy. Period.


Isn't astrology fascinating? 



So, the question is...


Which is the stronger planet in our square?

This is a ticklish question, since I have something invested in the answer, and also because I'm only a student.

This is not a case where the answer is clear and obvious. Saturn and Neptune in this Davison have aspects all over the place. If one had lots more, it would be an easy call, but...

In terms of sheer numbers, Saturn wins, with ten aspect lines total. But some of these are piddling little aspects, sesquiquadrates and semisextiles, to piddling little things like Ceres and Lilith. Most astrology charts don't even show those. Among the Big Ones, Saturn sextiles Jupiter, trines Mars, and squares the Moon (I ought to write about that sometime, too.) It sextiles the MC and it semisextiles and inconjuncts the two nodes.

But Neptune. Ahh, Neptune. Does it ever do anything good? (Might I remind you: MOON OPP NEPTUNE.) Here, it just might reflect a saved relationship. Neptune makes only eight aspects, so on cursory inspection, it loses. But what aspects it makes!

Our Davison has a HUGE conjuction of Pluto-Sun-Venus-Vertex, all sitting six degrees away from Uranus in house seven. These are all sextile to Neptune. (And, of course there's that pesky Moon. It's that horrible, dangerous opp--Danger, Will Robinson! Codependency!--but it's powerful, and it's Neptune, not Saturn.

Neptune has fewer aspects, but it has the classier stable with both the luminaries, Venus, Pluto, and the Vertex. And that great, big, whammy multiple conjuction. It's  trine Chiron (isn't that appropriate?) It's also semisextile Midheaven. It has the nodes, too, but these are minor aspects, not squares.

Also: Neptune--House 8, Scorpio. House 8 is the natural home of Scorpio. A nice fit. Saturn--House 12, Aquarius. Anything in House 12, I've read, finds its influence hidden, muted, or delayed in the life of the person. (As an example, Rory has Moon 12. Please Google Moon in House 12. This is everything I've ever heard about Rory. Another example: Venus 12, which I have. Often associated with hidden love affairs, since Venus, symbolizing your love feelings and sensual/sexual side, is hidden from self or others. Many astrologers comment on this placement of Venus indicating codependency in relationships, and always picking an unavailable partner--which I have done every time but once. 12 is an area of your life that needs work and doing that work hurts. Ahem, Chi has Pluto in 12.) 

So, because of the placement of Saturn in this "hidden" house, it seems the weaker placement.

I don't know, to my untrained eyes, Neptune wins because the aspects and the planets it aspects are more powerful. Anyone who reads astrology, please comment if you disagree.

I'm giving it to Neptune by a hair, but it's one close shave. So maybe there's hope yet.

But, really, there is no hope if I don't just give up on it and accept that I'm alone for the next fifteen years-to-forever, because if I don't, I'm too needy and controlling. Fixing that is my job.

And I always do my job. No matter how tough it is, and whether you-know-who does his job or not. 

***
P.S., I don't have any birth data on Neil and Ingrid, but about Johnny and June: They don't have Saturn square Neptune. They have the trine.