Of Interest...An Astrology Post

Saturn square Neptune.

Yes, we have a Saturn square Neptune in our Davison. And a lot in that article applies. Although it is a little woo-woo with all the "past life" stuff.

So let's forget about that stuff--not everyone believes in reincarnation, after all--although, our "past life" isn't always about reincarnation. Sometimes it's just, our past life. As in, our childhoods, how our parents treated us...oh, maybe a forty year marriage we picked out right after our parents were finished treating us that way, and we were still smarting from the wounds, perhaps? 

What resonates with me about this article that doesn't involve reincarnation:

1.) Yep. The Saturn is, as predicted, very close to my Venus, and the Neptune is, as predicted, very close to Chi's Mars.

2.) "The very essence of the Saturn-Neptune connection is one that suggests that the two people have come together to heal and evolve as individuals." I can sure see that about this relationship. What did his DUMPING me force me to notice and to heal? MY OWN CODEPENDENCY. What does he need to notice and heal in order to stop feeling worthless and actually create a relationship that offers what relationship needs to offer to and for most people? HIS OWN CODEPENDENCY.

3.) "If a person finds this passionate love in the current life but runs from it, he or she is running from their own personal evolution." Yep. For those few months in the early days of 2015, Chi looked and sounded so much better. Instead of hearing things like, "I have long thought that I was nothing that any woman would ever want," I was hearing things like, "You know what? I do count. I don't deserve to be treated the way Rory treats me. This really isn't a normal marriage. I do deserve better. And I deserve to be able to have dreams and pursue them without other people angry because I'm not doing everything they want instead."

What followed after that? Complete and total relapse. Nascent self worth gave way to, "Rory's angry at me and she says this is all my fault, so it is all my fault." When anyone could look at this person's behavior within her marriage and know quite well this individual had a lot to answer for. And then he went right back to looking at other people and giving them absolutely everything they wanted again, whether it felt at all good to him or not. Pretending for everyone else that things were fine, when what I heard about the truth in that house over the past three years made my heart hurt. 

Codependent, codependent, codependent, codependent.


4.) "The Saturn-Neptune connection will not resolve itself on its own, both souls must be willing to work hard to heal together." 

NO BULLSHIT, and may I please point out that word, BOTH. One person cannot do all the work. (That's what Chi is trying to do now, fix his marriage with only him doing all the work, and Rory not really interested or trying. Doesn't work, now, does it? Neither the fuck would this.)

5.) "To confront the 'danger' takes a very evolved soul and often I see one soul who is ready to deal with the karma and rekindle the relationship yet the other soul is not ready. This can be unbearably painful for the person who is ready to tackle the work. I should mention here that even if the relationship ends quickly, the two lovers will often continue to long for each other no matter who they are with or how far apart they are.  That is how strong and binding this aspect is within a relationship."

Proved last October. 'Nuff said. Bad news for me, I'm afraid. Maybe him, too.

6.) (After more past-life gobbeldygook), "So much depends on other factors in their charts and their current circumstances. If they are married to someone else, should they divorce? If they live far apart, should they relocate? These are tough decisions and it could take years of dedication to one another to make happen. Often, one partner is terrified of the other after the initial blissful honeymoon (Neptune) phase. When the reality (Saturn) of the situation strikes this partner, his or her emotions may become unbearable and he/she must close down emotionally out of self-protection. The partner cannot see immediate results emerging out of the connection because it seems so complicated and he/she isn’t sure that they are willing to walk through the fires in order to reach the heavenly love this aspect promises. The frightened, less evolved partner may even sever the ties." 

Again, 'Nuff said.

7.) "A deep entrenched wound is hindering the growth of this soul." Well, yeah, but I don't think we need to look back to a putative past incarnation. The deep entrenched wound here is eighteen years of being raised by an alcoholic and a codependent whose actions made this person feel utterly without intrinsic value as a human being. As if the only way anyone would be around him at all was if he gave up all his own needs and morphed, chameleon-like, into anything, anything, absolutely anything whatsoever that anyone "close" wanted or needed. The deep, entrenched wound is called, "codependency and low self-esteem," and this person keeps falling asleep and recycling the signs and symptoms over and over and over, instead of applying himself to addressing the symptoms, learning about ACoA issues, healing, and getting well. You only need to look back fifty years here, not five hundred.

8.) "While this soul is hiding and running away from his or her karmic lover, there can be no healing." 

(Because I'm going to kick his butt and insist on appropriate therapy and progress, while Rory is going to demand reinstatement of the symptoms. "You're supposed to do this for me!" And the rest of the family: "We're going to be angry and throw you out if you don't do what we want! Regardless of how she's actually treating you. (Which, incidentally, we could be forgiven for, since we don't know about it. Because you've never ever been honest about it, or displayed it the way it really was.") 

9.) "The scorned lover (the lover who died or was ruined in the past) is once again hurt, grows desolate, and may even give up on living if he or she is not very spiritual. How can something so wonderful, so beautiful and divine come to such an abrupt halt? Why doesn't he or she call? Why the disappearing act?  This wounded soul longs to experience the blissful aspects of the relationship and despite the challenging reality of the situation, this soul feels that the end result is well worth the torturous journey that must be taken to get there." 

Um... has that been me the last three years or what?? 

10.) "...astrology can help lovers understand the push-pull effect of their karmic relationships. It may not end the pain, it may not sweep away the hollow emptiness left when one karmic lover suddenly deserts the other, but it can help transform the bitterness left bobbing in the wake of abandonment into something much more bittersweet, that of spiritual understanding and acceptance."

I guess that's where I'm at now. I understand what happened and why. Really, there's nothing to do but accept it, because like it or not, I have no power in what happens here. The only power I have is to look at what I'm being presented, observe whether it's healthy or not, and decline it if it's not. I will not decide what happens here, and neither will Rory. We will BE TOLD what happens. It's going to be decided for us.

Even Chi may THINK he's letting his adult children, or his other relatives, make the decision, instead of Chi himself. (The classic codependent, "This person is upset, so I have no choice but to do X.") 

In actuality, Chi is the one doing the deciding. It's just HOW he's doing the deciding that's under debate here. Currently, Chi's (codependent) thinking runs like this: "If anyone anywhere in the northern hemisphere is unhappy and linking it to anything I did, I am at fault. If anyone else is unhappy, it means far, far more than the fact that I am also unhappy." (There's the lack of self worth and consequent complete lack of ability to apply any realistic perspective.) "So if someone is upset, that's how I have to make my decisions, and I can't do anything anyone is upset about." Then he blames that person. "I CAN'T do X because my adult child would Y." When the reality is, "I WON'T do X because I'm afraid of what my adult child doing Y might mean."

This, friends, is codependency in action. "Someone somewhere might be upset, and I am held hostage because of that."

It isn't healthy.

But I see this, and I can't change it. Only Chi can change anything about Chi. I have to change me from someone who can't accept that life circumstances are not going to go the way I wanted them to go, into someone who can accept that life circumstances are not going to go the way I wanted them to go.

Whether I accept it or not won't change the outcome. It may even push things toward a much worse outcome, because not accepting Chi's right to think any way he wants to think and decide any way he wants to decide makes me: ADDICTED TO UNHEALTHY POWER AND CONTROL.

Just like Rory is. (And the rest of his family, perhaps?)

And I'm not going to be like that.

11.) "The square more often indicates that there were difficult circumstances in the past that the two individuals failed to handle appropriately and they will once again face a similar situation together." Just what our transits this spring and summer are warning me about. 

12.) "This configuration can appear when both partners need to work toward a goal that will benefit mankind." Unlikely. It did actually happen to Neil Strauss and his wife, Ingrid De La O, though. (I'd love to look at this couple's synastry. Or how about the late singers Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash? What are the chances these couples have a Saturn square Neptune?)

13.) "Working with Synastry can offer amazing insights into Saturn-Neptune relationships and while explaining the difficulties inherent in these relationships can bring pain, especially if you must tell a person that Saturn is stronger and that the relationship may not manifest in the current incarnation, it can also bring about understanding and help the person who is hoping for a reconciliation to learn to let go and move forward.  The bliss that seems to be promised by the Saturn-Neptune connection in a relationship is not guaranteed, indeed, the lessons learned by engaging with a person who connects to you in this manner may be more important in the long run than experiencing the heaven of being in his or her arms."

Yeah. I can really see that now. Because the sad thing is, unless and until we each learn these lessons, neither of us will be capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, ever. The codependent relationship, no matter which boss, child, friend, parent, spouse, or lover we are having it with, is never, ever healthy, therefore it has NO chance of ever being happy. Period.


Isn't astrology fascinating? 



So, the question is...


Which is the stronger planet in our square?

This is a ticklish question, since I have something invested in the answer, and also because I'm only a student.

This is not a case where the answer is clear and obvious. Saturn and Neptune in this Davison have aspects all over the place. If one had lots more, it would be an easy call, but...

In terms of sheer numbers, Saturn wins, with ten aspect lines total. But some of these are piddling little aspects, sesquiquadrates and semisextiles, to piddling little things like Ceres and Lilith. Most astrology charts don't even show those. Among the Big Ones, Saturn sextiles Jupiter, trines Mars, and squares the Moon (I ought to write about that sometime, too.) It sextiles the MC and it semisextiles and inconjuncts the two nodes.

But Neptune. Ahh, Neptune. Does it ever do anything good? (Might I remind you: MOON OPP NEPTUNE.) Here, it just might reflect a saved relationship. Neptune makes only eight aspects, so on cursory inspection, it loses. But what aspects it makes!

Our Davison has a HUGE conjuction of Pluto-Sun-Venus-Vertex, all sitting six degrees away from Uranus in house seven. These are all sextile to Neptune. (And, of course there's that pesky Moon. It's that horrible, dangerous opp--Danger, Will Robinson! Codependency!--but it's powerful, and it's Neptune, not Saturn.

Neptune has fewer aspects, but it has the classier stable with both the luminaries, Venus, Pluto, and the Vertex. And that great, big, whammy multiple conjuction. It's  trine Chiron (isn't that appropriate?) It's also semisextile Midheaven. It has the nodes, too, but these are minor aspects, not squares.

Also: Neptune--House 8, Scorpio. House 8 is the natural home of Scorpio. A nice fit. Saturn--House 12, Aquarius. Anything in House 12, I've read, finds its influence hidden, muted, or delayed in the life of the person. (As an example, Rory has Moon 12. Please Google Moon in House 12. This is everything I've ever heard about Rory. Another example: Venus 12, which I have. Often associated with hidden love affairs, since Venus, symbolizing your love feelings and sensual/sexual side, is hidden from self or others. Many astrologers comment on this placement of Venus indicating codependency in relationships, and always picking an unavailable partner--which I have done every time but once. 12 is an area of your life that needs work and doing that work hurts. Ahem, Chi has Pluto in 12.) 

So, because of the placement of Saturn in this "hidden" house, it seems the weaker placement.

I don't know, to my untrained eyes, Neptune wins because the aspects and the planets it aspects are more powerful. Anyone who reads astrology, please comment if you disagree.

I'm giving it to Neptune by a hair, but it's one close shave. So maybe there's hope yet.

But, really, there is no hope if I don't just give up on it and accept that I'm alone for the next fifteen years-to-forever, because if I don't, I'm too needy and controlling. Fixing that is my job.

And I always do my job. No matter how tough it is, and whether you-know-who does his job or not. 

***
P.S., I don't have any birth data on Neil and Ingrid, but about Johnny and June: They don't have Saturn square Neptune. They have the trine.