What I Learned From My Affair With a Married Man

Present...

I Learned About Myself:

1.) I learned what I am NOT here for. I am NOT here to do anything blazingly successful or visible in the world. I am not here to make my parents or anyone else proud. I am not here to meet external standards of any kind of success. I am not here to be the next J.K. Rowling or Suzanne Collins. 

2.) I am NOT here to attach myself to another person, wrapping myself around and living through their problems, trying to "save" somebody ill. I am not here to be them, I'm here to be me. I am not here to use this escape route to avoid Number Four. I am not here to use saving someone as a shortcut to self-worth or happiness. I am not here to trade saving someone for something I'm supposed to provide for myself, that I'm afraid I'm not good enough to be able to.

3.) Each person is responsible for saving themselves. I can't reach into Chi's head, or my mother's head, no matter how their pain moves me, how sorry I feel for them, how much I wish their lives could be different, what I read, what I know, what worked for me, or how much I think they should do whatever worked for me. Their salvation is their own learning, takes place in their own head, and therefore they are the ones who have to reach it. I am NOT God, and I can make no one else do ANYTHING.

4.) I am here for self-development. All I'm supposed to do on this planet is become self-supporting, self-sufficient, and self-responsible. That means that money, health, happiness, and meaning in my life come from me, all me, and only me. I'm supposed to develop my own talents and my own self-belief and self-worth, nobody else's. I'm supposed to heal myself and no one else. I'm not here to take care of other people. I am here to evolve to taking the best care of myself, and to become perfectly okay all in myself, and all by myself. I'm here to believe in myself and to learn to joyfully do what I do best. It will be whatever it is, and that's good enough. Period. 

5.) I do not need anybody else's anything. Ever. 

6.) I may never have anyone else in my life ever again. If not, then that's the way it's supposed to be. I'm primarily meant to be alone in this life, because of Number Four.

I Learned About Affairs:

7.) Attractions between people already involved in relationships and people not a part of the existing relationship are there to show us something. Therefore, simplistic moral answers, although they may be reflective of the learning that's meant to take place, aren't the answers themselves. If we concentrate only on strict moral rules, and on how bad we are for wanting to be with a "forbidden" person, instead of looking for our own answers, we might miss something important. What we should concentrate on is the spirit of why the rules are there, not their literal syntax, or the threat of spiritual punishment. 

8.) Every affair situation is different.

9.) All three people bear responsibility.

10.) An affair is always symbolic of what needs to be developed in our lives. When we look for that, we're on the right track.

11.) Psychology and astrology can be helpful shortcuts to some answers we need. Both are worth a look if you're struggling.

12.) Affairs start in childhood. All adult relationship problems do. Therefore, if you are struggling with affair-related issues, GO BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD. You could probably use professional assistance to do this.