Achieve Your North Node IN Your Relationship, and It Doesn't Have to Break Up!

A bit more about the astrology, here...

I just realized something about these three charts: Mine, Chi's, and Rory's.

We are each the instrument of one another's North Nodes. 

I mean, look at this. 

What is Rory's North Node? House Six...achieving better function in daily life. I have been hearing since 1998, and Simon did, too, how she does not exactly perform to an acceptable standard in several areas, here. Chi is in her life to push her to achieve in that North Node, Soul's Goal area. And, after being miserable for twenty years, he belatedly did, the day he moved out. If she fails to make the goal here, she could well lose him.

What is Chi's North Node? House Two: SELF FUCKING WORTH. What were his alcoholic parents doing with their abuse and neglect? What has Rory been doing with her sharp tongue and her inability to offer even the rudiments of a close and loving partnership? Push him to NOTICE THAT HE IS WORTH FUCKING MORE THAN THAT!

Ehhh, but that sort of got a bit challenging. Chi wasn't quite getting it. His response was to decide he was completely worthless instead. 

So the Universe went, "No, no, no, dude...you're not getting this." And sent me in instead. Me, with my decades of reading, my backlog of overcaretaking and continual frustration in my own life, and my ability to understand. (It didn't hurt, of course, that I think the man is simply the sexiest thing I have ever seen. Sexier even than Simon, bless his soul. Sorry, Simon!) The Universe sent me in as a late-season replacement, since much past the age of sixty and you can forget about any meaningful change, only I didn't quite perform as well as I could have. Chi, and rightly, too, started sensing the same controlling nature in me as he had with Rory, and she guilted him into leaving me and destroying me. (And the second time he leaves me, it's for the same reason. I don't learn, and I do THE SAME FUCKING THING AGAIN.)

So I'd have to come back here and hit the books and figure out what I was about to do that would end up destroying three lives instead of just one.

(Well, but think about that. Rory won't wake up and do better in the marriage because she's figured out how to guilt him into taking care of her every need, and it's so much easier. So how does he finally get her to grow up and function better? When he finally musters up enough self-esteem to buck everyone who thinks this looks just peachy from the outside, and LEAVES. At last, he's the instrument of her North Node. She could have achieved this learning IN the marriage, but she didn't, so...she loses the relationship. In her worst transits over the next six years, at least.)

Now, me. Ahh, me. What's MY North Node? Get the fuck out of living through what others want me to do, which is soothe them through their emotional problems and be something that meets their inappropriate needs. That is, after all, what I did with my mother for thirty-eight years, and it stuck me in the wrong career. Then I had Simon and the elderly relatives I caretake--better, yes, because healthy relationships and love WERE involved, but it didn't solve my basic problem of losing confidence in myself and what I want to do and submerging myself in others' problems instead. 

So how is Chi going to be the instrument of my North Node? If he's brave enough to speak to me, and we resume the relationship, I now have a choice: Believe in myself, find my ideas, organize my time, finish these novels, and go full fire trying to establish myself as a writer...or avoid that, and go full fire trying to establish myself as the second Mrs. Chi instead. 

After all, I've considered my writing as "not even real" for the longest time now, ever since circumstances made it clear family obligations would never let me finish my first novel, and I was sure it really wasn't all that good, anyway. Relationships, I thought, were what was real, and if you didn't have them you didn't even have a real life.

If I stay with that thinking, according to the worst transits Chi and I get through 2036, and I start trying to live his life for him instead of trying to live MY life for ME, eventually I win. I get him, but only after an exhaustive battle that leaves him shattered and wastes his best years for sitting in therapy and getting well. We end up in a sick codependent relationship, and since he never learns to feel okay about himself on his own, he's very needy for my attention.

Unfortunately for us, I become successful anyway, and he doesn't like that. He's too needy, never got well, and we break up because he can't stand my career taking me away from him. And, because we never learned healthy separation and healthy self-foundation as separate people, we're both shattered that our dream love affair didn't work. And we're 71 and 81. See? We could achieve the learning and save the relationship...but this is what happens if we don't.

Not pretty, is it? Achieve your North Node in your relationship, and it doesn't have to break up. Refuse, and, well...

But, finally, I choose my career over Chi. He's the instrument of my North Node. And, because I reject him because he was unable to get well, I am the cruel instrument of his.

Now it's all crystal clear that none of this needs to happen.

Rory doesn't have to lose Chi. She could get her butt in therapy and work on the factors keeping her Caustic, Controlling, and Needy and Distant at the same time. She could become more of an equal hand at the work of keeping a household and a life afloat. Over the past two years, she's had the transits that say, "Now is the time, work on this, this, and this." Did she? I admit the evidence I have is scanty, but it suggests that she has not.

Chi doesn't have to lose me. He can address the codependency and low self esteem. Maybe if he did that in his marriage, it would help wake Rory up. Perhaps all is not lost.

And if I get Chi, I don't have to lose him. I can establish appropriate boundaries, put myself first in my own life, and insist that he heal and do the same. If this occurred we could be two healthy people and the best of friends, not two unhealthy people who smother each other to death--which is exactly what "Moon Opp Neptune" is warning us about.

And THAT, friends, is why and how these three charts are inextricably linked, and why a stable triangle here is so likely and so dangerous. And that is how astrology just SAVED MY BUTT.