To See You Again...

PRESENT

When you lose someone you love more than life, all you can do is double over in pain, your hands cradling this gaping, bleeding wound. All you want is to have that person back again.

I had this experience double-whammied—two guys in as many years.

The difference is, when one of them is still alive, he could come back…and you know it.

Especially when the behavior he left you for was questionable at best.

Two years ago, doctor gave me a choice: take medication for my panic attacks, or go to therapy. I chose the therapy.

A year and a half ago, my therapist and I sat shaking our heads. If it were me being left, by Chi, Simon, or the loser I had before Simon, I would have run after the person: “How have I failed you? Did I do something wrong? Why are you unhappy? Please tell me what I can do to make things better.”

Rory? Rory responded with some behavior I'd never go back for in a million years if it were me. If you went into marriage counseling complaining about a behavior and the person just showed you more of it--even after you'd just moved out--the writing is on the wall. Note, ladies: If you want the guy to stay, you might try acting nicer, not nastier. (Unless the guy is a codependent. Then guilt and nasty behavior is, in fact, likely to get you what you want.)

Next to behavior like that, I am a no-brainer. I should have been a no-brainer for this guy, and I knew it. Which is why my therapist and I sat there and shook our heads.

How, how could this wonderful man leave me for treatment like this?? We anticipated that he’d soon figure out she wasn’t going to change. About a year, tops.

A year came and went. This is when the desperate turn to astrology.

I looked ahead a couple of years, and in a six-to-nine month period beginning in January 2017, here is what I found:

The same transit I had describing feelings of blissful happiness in a new relationship, that coincided perfectly with Chi and I two years ago, Chi and I both have coming up, at the same time. Rory’s horoscope transits, all of which have described calm interludes of personal growth for the past two years, are now predicting turbulence in a relationship. She’s getting the same one Chi got when he moved out: “This effect manifests itself in a variety of ways. First of all, you will demand more emotional satisfaction in your relationships. It will not be enough for a relationship simply to go on as it has. If your existing friendships and love relationships do not meet your needs, you will find new ones that do. Your goal is freedom of emotional self-expression and experience.” The one quoted in the previous post, about needing to be completely honest about all the problems in the relationship, lasts almost until the end of 2017.

Rory also has Saturn opp Mercury:

“At this time your ideas and plans may be defeated, or they may have their greatest concrete realization. In either case, you will run into considerable resistance from others to what you say. This may result in severing relationships with those who disagree with you because there is no longer any communication between you. Or it may result simply in the breakdown of communication that was once quite good.

Although this is not an especially easy time, you shouldn't take a negative or pessimistic view of matters. There are concrete challenges to be met, and you should use your energy to recognize and meet them. Negative thinking is a form of self-indulgence that you cannot afford at this time.

One factor of this influence may be causing you problems. If you have already allowed your thinking to become too rigid and fixed, you will find it difficult to make occasional necessary compromises when you are challenged. Even with the best ideas, a certain amount of mental flexibility is necessary. Rigidity is almost certain to spell defeat, because the forces that oppose you will become equally unbending and rigid.”

And for Chi, I can make two columns: The transits reflecting a time of peaceful change, enlightenment, and growth within a stable relationship, without disturbing his personal life, and those describing painful change and turbulence in home life and relationship. For most of 2015, and all of 2016, most of the checks are in the “peaceful growth” column.

In 2017, ALL of the checks but two (out of a possible twenty-six) fall into the “domestic disruption” column. And in 2018, four separate transits reflect an extramarital affair. Again.

Now, here’s my next six months:

“Watch out for impulsive actions, rash decisions and other actions that may have sudden, unexpected consequences and undesirable results in the future. You may feel that your ego is at stake in some way and that you have to assert yourself now regardless of the risk of getting involved in an accident.

The only real answer to this influence is to try to achieve some security about who you are and what you are doing. Then you will not feel such a great need to break free and take rash and ill-considered actions. You may still feel obliged to do something that is a significant break from your normal routine, but it will not be so destructive.

This influence signifies increased mental activity and a desire to communicate to others something that you consider important. Whether or not your message is important, you probably think it is, so you should take the time to see if that is true. There is no point in loading people up with your ideas and opinions unless they are worth something. And when you speak to others at this time it is vital that you listen to their response. For although you have big ideas and plans, there is a tendency now to overlook details. You may be unwilling to listen to criticism, but if you listen and heed what you are told, this can be an excellent time for making decisions, planning, negotiating and concluding deals or agreements. But this will happen only if you listen to others' opinions.

This is when sloppy thinking can become especially dangerous. During this period you may encounter resistance to your ideas and opinions from a number of sources. It is a good time to examine your ideas and see how well they really hold up in an argument.

This can be a difficult time in your life. Because of circumstances and other people, you find it very difficult to make the changes you would like to make in the world around you. Sometimes the experience of this transit is much like struggling against chains that hold you down. The temptation is to resist and struggle with all your might. The best way to handle it is with some degree of detachment. Understandably you will be quite upset with some of the obstacles that crop up now, but regard them as a way of finding out which areas of your life are working and which are not. This influence usually represents a call to eliminate the unnecessary and superfluous elements in your life. It requires that you get rid of the dead and useless structures. If you do it voluntarily, it will be easier.

With care and planning and adequate restraint, this influence is a general sign of fortunately timed action that takes advantage of the proper moment and makes the most of it. And this is not luck on your part, but insight and skill. All of this requires preparation, however, because impulsive actions at this time are not likely to be very effective.

During this time communications with others may become quite difficult, if the reason for communicating is to coerce opinions and thinking rather than to inform. Such coercion provokes resistance and then a general breakdown of communication. You must let others be and let them think what they want. Avoid fanatical ideas, that is, opinions that you believe in absolutely and consider worthy of forcing on others.

At this time you can incorporate into yourself the fruits of previous successes, look them over and appreciate them for what they were. The key idea is that you are in a position to understand your life and therefore better able to be in conscious control of it. This is not merely an intellectual understanding, it is born of experience. You have lived through certain things, and now you can proceed on the basis of that understanding.”It's almost 2017.

If I ever see this guy again, it’s going to happen soon.And I don't know how I feel about that right now. 

I really don't.