Thursday, October 26, 2017

Hiring an Astrologer, Part Two: What You Should Know About Couples' Astrology



PRESENT...

Short note: These two articles on hiring an astrologer are complete in themselves, but if you navigate over and scroll down the rest of the blog, there's background that contributes a little more. Suffice to say, I've been in a very difficult situation with a married man that's contributed a lot to my understanding of affairs, childhood, love, and the purpose of life.) 

So you want to have your chart read with that of your significant other! The astrologer you hire should look at your chart, your significant other’s chart, and then compare the two in several different ways.


1.)    Usually the astrologer will do synastry first. This is a simple comparison of where stuff is in your chart vs. where stuff is in theirs. Chi and I have his Mars on my Midheaven. This isn’t so good…that’s the thing that warns a relationship may break up because the male dislikes the female’s career. Someone did a statistical analysis of divorced couples in Britain, and this aspect came up as the third most common. Ugh. Well, you can say that this doesn’t take into account the hundreds of couples who have this and don’t break up, but we have this both natally and by transit. There's a double whammy. If we ever ended up together, this would be a big, nasty issue we’d really have to work on. As another example, my Mars squares his North Node. And we have a Venus square Mars issue. You can look those up yourself.


2.)    Then the astrologer will do various things to each chart, read those, and do comparisons back to the natal of the other person. One thing Alice did for me was “harmonics.” All this does is take the number 360—the number of degrees in a circle—divide it by another number, and pick out all the angles and aspects that have the number of degrees of that answer you got by so dividing. If you’re looking at everything that aspects each other by 30 degrees in each chart, for example, it’s called the “twelfth harmonic” because you divided 360 by 12. Each harmonic is supposed to reflect certain specific things, and the more points in one chart where the other person has something in theirs in the same place, or something in significant aspect to it, you may be sure the meeting and the relationship are significant. Using this method, Alice was able to tell me that the relationship was not only very significant in both of our lives, but that it was fated, and that we each showed up to push each other to do specific things. Chi, for instance, was there specifically to wake me up to childhood issues I had not resolved yet, and part of his job was to hurt me very badly so I would be extremely motivated to find out what they were and resolve them. (Alice sure called her shot on that one!) One test of this was a mistake I made when I hired Alice a second time, to look at both our charts and not just mine. In typing Chi’s birth data to her, I made a mistake, and made the second digit of his birth date a full week later than the actual date. When she started work, Alice emailed and asked me to check the date. I did, and made the same mistake again. I emailed her that it was correct, and she went ahead and did the work. Then I realized my mistake, emailed with profuse apologies, and she had to go back and redo everything. When she made her recording and sent it to me, the first thing she said was that she was bewildered by the first date I sent her. She said she had sat there thinking, “I don’t know how these charts even know each other!” But when I sent her the corrected data, our charts lit up like fireworks. As she worked, Alice kept finding more and more and more aspects that coincided with one another. Some of these were harmonics that gave me a lot of information.


3.)    The astrologer should do a “composite,” which is a way of combining your two charts into one. The most common method is to take the midpoint between the two Suns, the two Moons, the two Venuses, etc. on down the line. Then the astrologer looks at that one chart and tells you the interpretations commonly assigned to each planet placement and aspect between planets and angles. These sound something like they would in a natal chart, but in the composite some of them have special meanings. The composite tells you how you are likely to get along, and what parts of the relationship will be easy and where you may have difficulties. The composite isn't a "real" chart, so they have to correct for some things, and some astrologers feel it isn't correct to do predictive astrology with it.


4.)    Your astrologer should also know how to cast and interpret a Davison, which is most important. If what you want to know most is why a disaster happened with someone, and you have limited funds, have your astrologer cast you a Davison and nothing else. Your Davison is created by finding the midpoint between your two birthplaces and your two birth dates and times and casting a horoscope for that entity. The relationship is treated sort of as a person in this chart. The Davison is said to reveal the purpose of the relationship, and suggests the future of the relationship when the astrologer computes transits and progressions to it. This is how Alice Portman correctly predicted that Chi and I would communicate again at this time. Its best use is to tell you what you are in for should you decide to accept that relationship. Chi’s and Rory’s is pretty accurate as far as the information I have. In my case, I really needed to know the purpose of the relationships, because I wanted to remain ethical in my behavior. If it looked like Chi and Rory’s purpose was to stay and do well together, then I could not stay and live with myself.


5.)    Professional software exists that automatically counts the number of “easy” and “hard” aspects between two charts. When Alice did mine with my late husband Simon’s, we had just about all good aspects and very few bad ones. And I can vouch for the truth of this—Simon and I were very happy together, and had a very happy relationship overall. Alice kept remarking about what good charts we had, and one of her comments was that it would be hard for me to find a relationship after this one that would come up to this quality. I would also like to note that when I hired Anne to do Chi’s and mine, I heard NONE of the foregoing steps being followed. Be careful who you hire, and you might want to inquire of the professional you are considering, what they do for the fee they ask. If you don’t see all of these steps, consider hiring someone else.


Computerized versions of all these reports can be ordered at the Astrodienst website, astro.com. Astrologers have created programs that choose the most important aspects and compile you a short report of what they mean. The interpretations are done by some very good and well-known astrologers, and it saves significant money over hiring an actual person to do the work, in the case where one cannot. If you don’t have an accurate birth time, however, or you are missing some other requested data, I wouldn’t spend the money. In perusing the astro.com Davisons for several couples I have good information about, I have noticed that the astro.com Davisons, in addition to some esoterica with somewhat stilted wording, give you both the highest and the worst potentials of the relationship. They tend to concentrate on the highest potentials of the relationship, giving the worst potentials short shrift. In the case of a couple I know has a terrible relationship, the good stuff in the Davison doesn’t seem to apply, but the few paragraphs about its worst potential are dead on. 

In the few cases I'm familiar with, the reason the couple isn’t reaching its highest potential seems to be that one or both parties are being assholes. Sorry to say it, but it’s true. According to their Davison, the relationship of a friend of mine and the guy she lives with had tremendous potential at its outset, but from hearing about it over the years, I can see why only the worst potential is manifesting. In that case, it’s both of them. People have to be willing to look at themselves, to buckle down, and to do some serious internal emotional work. When they aren't, the worst potential of the Davison seems to manifest. If you've got some bad stuff in your Davison, ask yourself some serious questions about whether you and your significant other are brave enough to do some difficult work on yourselves, not on the other person.


As I said, Astrodienst Davisons are heavy on positive potential, so if you get one where half the report is talking about negative potential, forecasts an affair, or mentions several times that you might need to break up (guess whose Davison this is?), be very, VERY careful about committing to that relationship.

                                                                 ***

A New Type of Astrological Reading?


Basically, what I have done over the past two and a half years is a whole life progression for all three people in my triangle. I have to say that it’s been very, very informative, but I don’t think you’ll find this discussed in any astrological literature, or offered anywhere. That’s because no one I know of will do this! for reasons articulated in the previous blog.


Because this process has been so beneficial to me, and I have learned so much, however, I think professional astrologers should consider offering a whole life’s worth of progressions and transits. In the case of this particular relationship triangle, it has been so, so helpful, taught me so, so much, and may save all three of us an awful lot of heartbreak.

It would be tough to hire any astrologer to do this, though, I think, partially because of resistance to the idea that looking longer than two years down the road can be useful, and because of simple economics. 

I’m sure doing the natals, progressions, and relationship horoscopes for the three people in my triangle took me longer than it would a pro just because I’m untrained, and had to save the money to buy reports rather than just casting everything and having it all to look at at once. And now that I know how to get the actual charts for free and read what's in them, I still have to look up others’ interpretations; I haven’t done enough chart readings to have much of an idea how to interpret most aspects myself. But professional astrologers, especially busy ones, have dozens to hundreds of clients and can only afford to spend one to two hours on each reading. Digging as deeply as I have has taken me many months. I think it would be cost prohibitive for an astrologer to do that. 

Also, I have a lot of background reading in psychology, which has made the information I uncovered much more meaningful to me, and I had much helpful information regarding each person’s life that I started out with.


Maybe I should become an astrologer instead of a novelist, and invent a new type of reading: the Whole Life Progression!


Should you elect to pursue astrology to help you resolve a love life issue, good luck, and please comment and let me know how it turns out for you!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

So What Happened with Me and Chi??

PRESENT

(Yes, I'm going to update you on the Chi situation. Just let me get these three astrology blogs out first.)

Tune in next...

Monday, October 23, 2017

Hiring an Astrologer, Part One: Avoiding the Quack

PRESENT

It's occurred to me while writing these blogs that some may wish to have advice about getting their own charts read. (Especially if you, yourself, are involved in a love triangle and could maybe use some of the advice I've been able to purchase and/or learn to read for myself.) 

I used to think astrology was bunk, and I would NEVER have paid two hundred dollars to have a so-called professional read my chart, but I have to tell you that after the past two and a half years, I am a true believer. I may have thought that the collected musings I have been able to locate were good food for thought and helped me learn a lot, next to all the psychology I also read; but after these three predictions I have made myself, with NO formal training, I will be consulting astrological charts for the rest of my life, NO bullshit.

I should note three things, here. 

ONE, think about whether you want to consult with a professional who does Western astrology or Vedic astrology. The two systems are different. Western astrology (and this, I can vouch for) is said to provide a psychological profile of the individual and hints as to how the person may grow and avoid some trouble on his psychological journey through life. It will provide you with a hint or two about why you decided to incarnate into this life and what you're here to experience and to learn, but its main focus is to tell you what kind of childhood you had and what kind of person you are. There is also a branch called medical astrology, which I have just started a course in. (Maybe I can tell you more about that in a few weeks.)

Vedic astrology originated in India and purports to tell the individual mainly about their soul: What your purpose was in coming here and what your soul expects to gain from this life. Vedic astrology is full of Indian names one can neither spell nor pronounce, and they even draw their charts differently! I can barely do Western astrology right now. If I want to know more about why my soul came here, I will definitely leave that to a pro. Some professionals do both forms. This boggles my mind.

This is because, TWO, I am N-O-T a professional. 

And THREE, the last thing I must point out in the beginning here is that no professional is likely to tell you all the things I have been able to suss out for myself on this blog. 

The reason for that is that only under limited conditions will ANY professional occultist--one who isn't a fraud, that is--look any further ahead into your future than three years at most. If I, or another writer friend, asks a psychic or a tarot reader, "How is this book going to do once I finish it?" a reputable reader will give you an answer about a question like that, about a specific project. Otherwise, a rune reader or tarot reader will generally give you a reading for three months into the future, six months tops. Some will do longer than that. A professional astrologer will look maybe three years ahead for you, and that's about it.

The reason commonly given is that "Things change." And, yes, they do. I saw this when I did online tarot readings and cast my own rune readings for this particular situation. As things changed between Chi and Rory, the changes showed up in my cards and runes. But only for what was going to happen for the next three months or so. I'd get depressed about what I saw, thinking it was forever, and go to astrology, where, as I said, a pro will show you a bit farther ahead.

That said, what can consulting a professional astrologer do for you, especially in matters of the heart?

For one thing, you should know that each professional has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. Before I began trying to learn on my own, I myself hired two: Anne Ortelee of New York City, and Alice Portman of Adelaide, South Australia.

Here's where I can give you some good advice based on personal experience. If you hire a professional, you will be spending a good bit of cash. Most pros who advertise on the net will charge you around $200 an hour, which is what you will need for a good thorough reading of your chart, or for a decent comparison of your chart with another person's. Some of these people are downright flaky and more than a little woo-woo. You don't need to drop $200-$250 on one of these folks.

For instance, and I don't mind calling this individual out by name: Anne Ortelee of New York City gave me several pieces of information that were just plain wrong. According to her, I am supposed to have met, become engaged, and be about to marry someone else right now! I haven't even met anyone else yet! This individual also informed me that I have SIX yods in my chart, and that things with Chi could never work out, because "he was in one of my yods."

As little as I knew about astrology then, I knew enough to be able to look up what a yod was, and even a cursory examination by my untrained eyes showed me I did NOT have six yods, only one! Not only that, but although Ms. Ortelee is friendly enough, my reading with her was full of a lot of astrology gobbeldygook and superstition. I heard a lot of stuff about things going in cycles of so many years, and how because I was born in this year, such and such was like the energy of this decade, and she would spend ten minutes talking about stuff that happened in the sixties, and completely mystified me. She also told me my chart has a Thor's Hammer. I do NOT have a Thor's Hammer.

Needless to say, a great deal I was told in that reading was WRONG, and a great deal I could have been told that was correct was MISSED. I thought since I found her on the American Federation of Astrologers website and she was obviously doing well enough to make it as a pro in New York City of all places, she must be good. As a general rule I would say that would be one of the safer ways to find a good astrologer, but in this case, nope! (Whatever you do, do not hire this person!) 

So how can you tell someone who can give you something useful from someone who will take your money and waste your time? The first principle is, if you're listening to a person who's going off on some tangent about another decade, or who seems to be talking endlessly about how everything goes in cycles of X years, you can find yourself a better astrologer, one who will give you a reading you can actually USE. 

Yes, the planets most certainly do revolve around the zodiac in a set number of years, and in the case of, say, Saturn, for example, that could be very important depending on your age right now, but your whole reading shouldn't sound like that! Actually, very little of it should, if you ask me.

Ideally, if your prospective astrologer is a little woo-woo, you want to find that out before you ever hire them. 

How do you do that? Do it the same way I found Alice, by surfing around and reading blogs and articles. After the Disaster of the Six Yods, I found myself wanting to know if Chi really was "in my yod" or not, and why that meant I'd never see him again. I started pulling up articles about yods in astrology. I found a very interesting one by Alice, and that's the one that convinced me she was the one who should look at my chart.

Surf around the net, if you have to hire an astrologer online, and look for those who have written articles. Read what various people write, especially as relates to your specific issue (you can google something like "the astrology of relationship triangles" or "heartbreak astrology" and see what comes up, and go from there, for example.) When you find a writer who seems to "get" your issue and whose style you like, there's a person you might consider hiring. Generally any article they write will point you to their website, which should tell you how to hire them, how payment arrangements are handled, and how much they charge. You should also evaluate their website while you are browsing around. I'm not saying a woo-woo website with a lot of stars and pentagrams and flying unicorns definitely means an astrologer can't really read and is just going to blow smoke up your ass; but I feel a lot safer with someone who's put up a businesslike website, myself. 

Also check out the person's bio and see who that person has trained under. Names like Liz Greene, Robert Hand, and Noel Tyl are famous names in astrology; anyone who's trained under these people is a good bet.

If your community is large enough, you may have a New Age bookstore. Go there and browse the astrology section. If the staff is worth its salt, they should be able to tell you which astrology books are considered classics in the field, and which are the best for beginners. Note down the names of those authors. Anybody who mentions training under these people is probably a good bet. Pick up some of the other books and leaf through them. If the writing style is accessible to you, they're writing about something you care about, and you find that the writing draws you in, explains something interesting to you, and makes you want to know more in just a few pages, jot down that person's name and look up their website. This may be someone you want to hire.

See if the person has a specialty. For instance, when I encountered Alice's website, I knew she knew something about yods, and was probably the person for me.

Look for a website with a psychological tone and feel. I have never hired this person, but Hiroki Niizato's lovely professional website echoes so much of what I already know from all my reading about psychology and relationships that I know this guy would be a terrific fit for me. He has an archive about a mile long, and no matter what I click in it, what he's saying about psychology, relationships, and the growth of the personality is spot-on, whether I know crap about the astrological planet or aspect he's relating it to or not. An astrologer with a website like this is always a good bet.

If your town is large enough to have a big New Age bookstore, chances are you have a few local astrologers who frequent there, offer readings there, or even teach there. This is a great opportunity to get an impression of someone in person before you plunk down any hard-earned Benjamins. If they offer astrology classes, attend one just to hear the person lecture. You can get quite a sense in a one hour class whether the person is someone you might want to pay to read your chart. Some of these people may write for local papers or magazines. Again, a way to check someone out prior to hiring them.

Once you've hired a person, what do you want to hear? Again, different astrologers have their own strengths and weaknesses. The longer people have been reading, the more charts they've seen, and the more intuitive and broad an understanding they have of what the planets, the houses, and the aspects mean. Being untrained, the only way I can really interpret things is to look up others' interpretations and let them do this part of the job for me! 

Looking up many different astrologers' interpretations of the same planet, aspect, or house online, I have found that nobody beats Liz Greene. But of course--she's also a psychotherapist. A background like that is especially handy and desirable for an astrologer. (But yet--Hiroki Niizato has a background in computer science, and can relate the planets to your issues almost as well as Liz Greene. So, give everybody you find a passing glance--you could be pleasantly surprised.) 

Robert Hand comes in second for me, and his Planets In Transit is a classic in the field. I have found that Alice isn't quite this astute or detailed in her interpretations, but she is a whiz at finding every single little thing of significance in your chart. If it has any relevance to your question, Alice Portman will find it and tell you about it. For instance, in addition to my ONE yod I found, she found me two more minor ones, showed them to me, and gave me a short and cursory explanation of what each meant.

If you're asking a general question, like, "How significant is this person in my life?" or "Will I ever see him or her again?" a Dogpile-type astrologer like Alice is a good bet for you; a person who knows how to do synastry, composites, and Davisons, and pick out every little thing of interest. The interpretations you get may not be all that in depth, but every connection you have with that person will be seen, so you get the most accurate opinion. Between Alice and Anne, I found a WORLD of difference--and Alice accurately predicted the recent contacts I've had with Chi.

If you're more concerned with what's affecting the outcome of a troubling situation, A Liz Greene-type astrologer, someone who will give you interpretations that are more in-depth and psychological in nature, is what you should look for. Or someone like my medical astrology instructor, Kay Cole. She's a little difficult to learn from, because I prefer a more structured class, but she knows tips and tricks to reading a chart that I've never heard before, and can give you a ton of insight.

Lastly, pay attention to the tone the person uses with you. You should be treated with dignity and respect. Kay tells a story about a client who went to another reader at the same center, and during the reading, a history of childhood sexual abuse came out. The client wanted to know why this had happened to her. And the reader said, "You have bad karma and you wanted this to happen to you," in a very punitive tone. 

The abuse survivor, who was a regular client of my instructor, went home and committed suicide that night. Kay never forgave the other reader, who she feels killed her client, and I don't blame her. There are sensitive ways to treat information in a chart, just as there are humane ways to talk to other people. If your reader does not demonstrate that they understand this, run!

Whatever you do, don't try to hire me--I'm just winging it!

In closing, I'm going to include this excerpt from an interview with Robert Hand from 2002:



But yes, constantly relating things to their astrological correlates is something one can do, and it's actually not a bad thing to do, because then you begin to understand that the energies of transits and other types of predictive indications can work themselves out in ways that are quite different from the psychological/behavioral/experiential dimension that most people expect to see.

I remember, for instance, I was here [in the U.K.] during a Mars transit several years ago. And as Mars was transiting my chart and crossing the Midheaven where I was, my host took me to see the remains of an old Roman military fort. And that kind of thing kept happening; it had nothing to do with my feelings of aggression or anything of the sort. The Moon was applying to an aspect of Saturn at the same time, so I also saw old ruins, old this and old that - it was working out in an entirely external, benign way.

The virtue of this is that you can reasonably attempt to alter the impact of a transit or indication - by consciously putting the symbolism into your life in a benign way. I used to call it astrological alchemy; where you give the symbolism all the room it needs but in some way that it is not harmful, difficult, or whatever. In fact, it might even be useful and expanding.

The classic example of this, which I've mentioned several times, is the client of mine who, in 1998, had a particularly horrible-looking year from the point of view of general mental health and drug usage. I gritted my teeth and asked her what she had done that year. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Oh, I was very happy and I made over $1 million." I asked, "What were you doing?" She said, "I was in a musical, playing Judy Garland." The role she played bore the symbolism, because the transits were a perfect description of Judy Garland. And since my client created the space (inadvertently, I might add, but she nevertheless did it very well), the symbols were able to manifest creatively, and she had no harm from it. Indeed, she benefited from it.

This is not some sort of Pollyanna stuff; this is real. This really works. It's an aspect of astrology which has been grossly underestimated in the literature. It's much more effective than saying, "Oh, just grit your teeth and think pure thoughts, and you'll come through just fine." Because it's an acceptance, a nonresistance to the energy. And I think that the answer to coping with difficult indications lies in that direction. Sometimes you just can't figure out how to do it. It would work if you could just figure it out, but sometimes you can't.

Q: With the woman you're talking about, there wasn't anything in the chart …


I didn't see any "benevolent" energy at all! And I've seen other instances like that. What it does is to validate the statement made by Ficino - and by Plotinus, his major influence - that, in fact, none of the planets are inherently malefic. The "malefics" are just more likely to be experienced that way than other planets, if you don't handle them properly. And that's not their problem - that's our problem. 

And that is exactly what I'm trying to do with regard to my own affair situation. (Sometimes the entire outcome of your life really does depend on it!)

Next week...Hiring an astrologer to do a relationship reading for you and another person. (Your affair partner, perhaps?) 

 

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Friday, October 20, 2017

Yep. Astrology really is real.



September 16, 2017


I forgot the dates of the relevant transit that lit up like a light bulb when I found it, and told me, “This is when he shows up again. THIS RIGHT HERE.

I thought it started on the 24th and went til October. Nope. It started on the 14th and goes til the 24th.  

My heart plummeted. I thought, Nine more days! There’s no way, no fucking WAY this person will speak to me within nine more days. But, as previously reported, I did get a browse from some anonymous individual on LinkedIn right about the time Chi and I last saw one another two years ago. Which, incidentally, was right before his anniversary. The same way someone browses me on Valentine's Day...around the holidays...all significant dates for me and Chi.

I think back a lot to the last time I remember seeing him. All the time that we were speaking, he never let me--or anyone else--see him look at me when we were around other people. But that last time, I remember him making eye contact with me, and those big blue eyes following me around. I knew there had to be something significant about that, because he had told me he was very deliberate about not being seen to look at me or watch me in any way.

What I didn't know was what was significant about it. What the fuck did he want? And how the hell did he expect me to divine this, exactly? I remember making eye contact with him, and then turning my gaze away. He was married and he had expressly told me it was over, and not to speak to him again. In the absence of any discernible instructions to the contrary, I was left with no other choice but to do as I was told. (Before the affair: Catch him outside in the parking lot, say, "How are you doing?" After the affair: Catch him outside in the parking lot, say, "How are you doing?" and then possibly get barked at for speaking to him, even though he'd let me see him staring at me all night? No, clearly this interlude should never happen.)

So I'd turned my eyes away, thinking, Sorry, but if you want to tell me something, you're going to actually have to TELL me. I have no idea what your looking at me means, and you told me to stay away from you. So, I am.

And he didn't speak to me, and that was the last I saw of him. When he missed two meetings, that was when I knew: He'd moved back home, and he'd told her, which was why he'd never come back. If he did, she'd know where he was. And he disappeared right before their anniversary, so I could only presume they'd agreed in marriage counseling, after about four months of therapy, that they'd give their marriage another try, and their anniversary was going to be his move-back-in date.

Of course, I don't have to tell you how devastated I was. That was horrible. Horrible.

Having gotten another LinkedIn visit on such an anniversary date, sort of felt the same way. But I had resolved, if he ever hit me up again, I would browse him back--as myself, this time, and not under the cowardice of private mode.
I told myself it probably wasn't even him, and that if I did that, he wouldn't browse me back. Very sad, I went back to Linked In to check anyway.




Once upon a time, I was told I had some kind of occult gift. I basically blinked and went, “Huh? Uh, no. Not that I know of!” Well, I must, because that’s three big predictions in a row. One was when Simon would die. I was exactly one week off, and if I had’ve remembered the date of his first wife’s death, I would have amended that and been right on the money. The second was Rory and her “promotion.” 

The third happened last night. My anonymous browser has hit me up yet again. Please note, all of the above predictions involved a LOT of educated guesses. (Maybe that’s my gift.)



It HAS to be Chi. 



Not that this means he will actually get brave enough to drop the private mode and SPEAK to me. 

And, if he doesn’t, I can’t help that. Running after him and trying to grab him by the collar and drag him back into my life would be codependent. If he doesn’t speak to me, there will be nothing I can do, and that will be the end of it. If he won’t speak to me, there is nothing more I can offer him.





Doesn’t mean I can’t offer it elsewhere, though. Because, and I don't know why these should have occurred coincidentally, but I also had this thought about my writing:







About this What’s the use? attitude. What do I want to do all this writing and work for? I fucking HATE self-promotion, and I don't want to learn to do that shit. No one will see what I do, or care, anyhow.





Whatever I do will reach the people it’s supposed to.





Maybe that won’t be many, and that has to be okay with me. It may be that it isn't supposed to reach anybody. Maybe the important thing about it is that I achieve the self-development in the doing of the work. (We can’t all be Suzanne Collins.) But it will go where it’s supposed to, and reach the people it’s supposed to, and that’s ONE reason to do all that work.





The SECOND reason is—and this is the other epiphany I had—if I’m sitting there planning and writing a novel and trying to start a writing business, THAT IS MY CHILDHOOD RECOVERY WORK. Living alone, taking care of myself all alone and all by myself, self-starting something I want to do, believing in it, and following through and learning to make it work all on my own IS THE REST OF MY CHILDHOOD RECOVERY WORK, the same as codependency recovery is Chi’s. 


I know that tragedy will befall him if he doesn’t finally get his done, but tragedy will befall me if I don’t get mine done, too.





If we somehow ended up together, and it just so happened that we didn't get our childhood recovery work done, that time would end very, very sadly. My whole issue is lack of confidence and lack of will to focus on myself, me, my work, my worth, and to do it all myself. 


If I’m writing and trying to publish, I’m doing that; if I’m not, and I decide to try to live a sick codependent’s life for him instead, Hell and Damnation await. A veritable Hurricane Irma of mutual emotional dysfunction. Which is why our Davison is saying, Affairs don’t happen unless I am unable to complete this task. Me and my writing are the centerpiece of MY life, not Chi and his low self-esteem and codependency.





So I need to stop procrastinating on pulling writing out and going to work on it, or doing any of the support things like housework that enable me to do that, saying, What do I want to do THAT for? There’s no point. It’s the childhood recovery work I am supposed to be doing, and I avoid it at my peril, just as Chi avoids his at his peril. 


DO OUR GODDAMNED WORK, and we could enjoy a beautiful life together. (Or Chi and Rory can, if THEY do their goddamned work.)





Ohhh, but if anyone DOES NOT…


                  
    



SO: Does He Speak? Tune in next…