RECOVERY: At Some Point, Ya Gotta Do It.

PRESENT

Most people consider the word, “Recovery” to mean that a person has moved on from their breakup, in that they no longer think about this person who is no longer in their life. Sort of like the boyfriend before Simon. (I NEVER think about that guy, unless I am assessing my behavior in relationships and therefore I have to go back to what happened pre-Simon.)

By that reckoning, I’m not “recovered” from Chi unless and until I’m just so busy and happy in my life that I. Just. Never. Think. Of. Him. At. All.

Um…not there yet.

If you don’t think you will ever see the guy again, you might as well Just Go There. (What is the goddam point??)

I tried it. I looked at all this horoscope stuff, and I went, “Well, here’s a possibility that this is wrong, and here’s a possibility that this is wrong over here…” 

I didn’t order Rory’s 2017 and 2018 yearly transits (which I have to do, because as a student of astrology I can’t yet interpret very well. I can look up what’s happening when, but when it comes to figuring out what “Pluto opp progressed Venus” actually means, I’m going to have to let Liz Greene help me out for a while longer yet. She’s never wrong about my life. And this is with just a computer picking prewritten transits to tell me about!) 

I didn’t order those for Rory because I wasn’t sure I had rectified her chart correctly (guessing the time of birth from events in the person’s life.) Although, timing it by when Chi moved out was shockingly easy to do.

I’d read that if you don’t know a birth time, but you do have the place, all you are likely to be off by is the moon and the ascending, or the rising sign. But Rory’s moon is right in the middle of the sign and house I put it in, so I can be off by quite a few hours and still have the moon correct. Her moon ended up in House 12. All I had to do was look up accounts of “Moon in House 12” online, and that made me VERY sure I have rectified her moon correctly.

So, I was finally brave enough to go ahead and buy her 2017 and 2018 transits. I was trying to talk myself out of all this, as in, “Certainly I’m going to find a bunch of transits indicating she’s doing very well, and if she does well, so will Chi, and so will their relationship. He doesn’t want to hurt her or leave her. He doesn’t want to break up their family. He wants to stay.”

(I mean, who would believe the shit I’ve been forecasting anyway?? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, when the guy leaves, he’s GONE. Right??)

Imagine my shock when, buried in the middle of Rory’s 2018—and the computer didn’t pick this to show me in ANY of the other transit reports I’ve bought under her birthdate, time, and place, because of the dates I asked for—I discovered a great, big ol’ Pluto opp progressed Venus. Over the SAME EXACT DATES—2016-2023—that I have a transit telling me that something is going on that’s going to start my life over, that it’s very slow and I’m terribly unsure what’s going to happen, and warning me not to bully a person in response, because I’m scared and trying to control the outcome. Over the same time period, Chi’s is telling him he’s trying to make needed changes in his life, and needs to slow down and take a chill pill, because he’s being too impulsive and doing it in a way that’s very hurtful to other people.

These three charts are linked. No shit, NO doubt about it.

Oh, and what does Pluto opp progressed Venus mean, you ask? Someone is undergoing a very bad time in their personal life. In all probability a relationship will break up, and this person is struggling to hang on, stay in control, and is behaving very badly in the process. Liz Greene’s interpretation is actually admonishing the person about their behavior. (Which I have often longed to do, and wished I could clonk Rory over the head. And that was before Chi and I realized we were in love!)

Even the online fucking TAROT cards are saying the same thing!

(I’m afraid to ask the runes. Seriously.)

And all this is supposed to make an appearance around the middle of September.

Yes, this really DOES have something to do with making a recovery, being less upset, and getting over it.

AND THAT IS:

Either the events so heavily favored above WILL happen, 

Or they WILL NOT.

Either they will happen, or they will not.

Now, if they happen, *ahem!* WHAT am I being warned NOT to do? Bully and control, trying to keep the person.

If they don’t happen, what do I need to do? Understand that if it’s much past September 15, 2017, and I don’t see this guy again, something happened, and none of this occurs. I’m all alone.

What’s the common denominator here?

NEEDINESS.

I AM STILL, 

REALLY, REALLY, 

                REALLY, REALLY,  

                                   REALLY, REALLY

NEEDY.

And, either way, it isn’t good.

If I get the relationship back again, or any relationship, I’m going to be grabbing at it like a life preserver, and that is terribly destructive.

And if I don’t get one, I’m just going to hang my head, cry, and be absolutely miserable.
Which is what I’ve done for almost the last three years.

It’s no way to live.

If Chi shows back up, he’s still having huge codependency problems. He’s going to need someone who can slow things down and minimize some of the hell and mayhem. But if I’m desperately needy and lonely, I’m going to pour fuel on the fire by sleeping with him, carrying on an online romance with him, and whatever other things are going to drive Rory absolutely crazy, confuse Chi, make him dump on himself even more, and possibly drag things out over the WHOLE ALMOST EIGHT YEARS. 

There ARE other transits describing this long-term triangle. “Eternal triangle” is the phrase that’s used. And triangles are very, very painful. It’s very difficult for anyone to “win “ in these situations. (See the article I posted in the last blog.)

Can you think of anything worse? I can do way better than that. 

IF I’M NOT SO DESPERATELY NEEDY AND LONELY THAT I THINK I CAN’T BE HAPPY WITHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. And I have other transits warning me about just this problem.

I have this strong sense, and this isn’t really corroborated by anything else but me, that how well the woman Chi is with is doing is going to greatly influence the progress he makes. 

I mean, think about it. If Rory is doing well emotionally, and able to work well in the marriage, then they’re going to be okay, and there’s no need to go, is there? (Their Davison does mention this. Oh, but it is only a mention, compared with all the paragraphs of stuff about radical transformation, the need to break up, and it being harder and harder the longer they hang on.)  

If he’s with me, and I’m terribly needy and lonely—like I was the first time around!—look what’s going to happen. Moon opp Neptune, baby! And trust me, nobody wants “Moon opp Neptune.” (Just peek around here at some previous blogs, and you will see what I mean.)

But if I can be mature, be flexible, be happy alone, not be needy!—and just step back and insist on good behavior while Chi works out his business maturely in the real world, not in some dream world where his wedding ring just magically disappears into thin air—we might actually see behavior that his kids, his wife, his friends and family, and me, don’t hate him for, even if something shocking and sad has to take place. 

And he might acquire the skills he’s going to need in order for any relationship he may have in the future to both work and last.

Either way, I’ve got a job to do, and my ass better get moving.